PARENTING: Kids Have Stress Too

PARENTING: Kids Have Stress Too

I am a mom to a special child, and because of that I have be awarded to opportunity to take speciality parenting classes that help manage his special needs as well as tools that I can use with my daughter as well. I took a very interesting one last night about the stresses that kids face nad how to manage their levels in a healthy way.

A kids stressors are very different to grown ups, and honestly they may even seem silly to us, but that is what makes them unique and awesome little people, and it is our job as parents to help them figures out ways to calm down from the stress and emotional meltdown, as well as help them solve the problem themselves and not always fix it for them.

YOU NEED TO GET OK WITH YOUR CHILD NOT BEING OK

THE THREE “R” S

The three R’s are something that was brought up as a method to deal with kids in a certain way when those stressors become to much for them and we have those ever fabulous meltdowns that are a stressor for us parents.
1) Regulate
2) Relate
3) Reason
I know they seem like simple tasks but the key is you have to remain calm and level headed while doing these 3 steps. I mean could you calm down enough to listen to reason while the person who is supposed to be calming you down is also Flipping Their Lid (The Video Link is well worth the watch, I promise!)

1) REGULATE

Help your child to regulate and calm their stress responses, Fight/Flight/Freeze, offer soothing and reassurance.

We all know you cannot reason of even get through to anyone, let alone a child once that massive meltdown has started. They are crying, yelling and just gone primal in a way. They have “Flipped Their Lid”, and if we can keep our calm cool and collected selves, it will help them. Yes, if they are in trouble you don’t want to caudle them, but you also cannot explain to them why you are upset with them while they are in mid-crisis meltdown and you are yelling your feelings. So we need to just find ways to calm them to a point of getting through, talking to them soothingly, giving them a quiet space where they can find a way to self sooth and breath out their issues with you still near in some manner. I know it will take a lot, because as much as I hate to admit it I am a yeller and I have to work very hard to regulate that in order to help my children as best as I can.

2) RELATE

Connect with your child through attuned, sensitive relationship. Empathise and validate the child’s feelings so they feel seen, heard and understood.

While no one ever goes through the exact same situations in life, we all go through similar ones. And because most people parent in the same or similar styles that they were raised in (not as a rule) some of the things our kids are going through might be on par with what we went through. Use those experiences to help your child calm and regulate themselves in a way.

“Yes, I know you are upset because I took the beads away. But when Mama was little like you she had one stuck up her nose, and that was really scary for mama.”

Small children, even older children, while in the process of calming down, will feel better about themselves in that situation knowing they aren’t alone, that what they are feeling in that situation is normal. Isn’t that what we are all looking for honestly, to know we aren’t alone. And contrary to the theme of pictures I am not talking aliens in space.

3) REASON

Once your child is calm and connected they are able to fully engage in learning. Help them reflect, remember, articulate and be Self-assured.

Even as adults, we need this kind of assurance, I call it being talked down. Even though we have passed the meltdown part, we still need to discuss what had happened prior and how we should take some deep breaths, talk about different calming methods they can use later on. Like the Smell the Flower, blow out the candle, those deep in breaths through the nose followed by slow breaths out the mouth like you are slowly blowing out the candle. I use an aid with my own son it is a picture of a candle on side and a flower on the other, mounted to a straw or popsicle stick as a visual aid. There are calming bottles you can use, clear school glue, water and a bunch of fine and coarse glitter in a clear water bottle. You shake it up and the kids focus on the glitter while it settles and it will calm the mind. Heck I use it from time to time for me. And if the kids see you as the parent using the same techniques they may be more inclined to use them themselves when they feel discombobulated.

I really hope some of this has helped you in a way, please let me know if you have any other ideas or strategies that work in your house hold.

-Ashton <3

REVIEW: Hard Place By Emily Goodwin

REVIEW: Hard Place By Emily Goodwin

SYNOPSIS

Cold. Callous. Cocky.

A total playboy with abs for days, a panty-melting smirk, and a face the gods themselves would be jealous of.

And he’s my new boss.

None of that matters, because as a single mom, men like Alexander Harding are the last thing I need. What I do need is this job, so I’m going to keep my head down, work hard, and avoid that asshole as much as humanly possible.

But then he gives me an offer I can’t refuse, even though everything inside of me is warning me to run away and never look back.

It’s just one weekend.

One weekend to convince a potential client that Alexander has changed from the player who spent more time in the bedroom than the boardroom into a family man they’d be happy to go into business with.

But the more time I spend with him, the more I realize that there might be a beating heart buried under his designer shirts and spectacular pecs after all…which is bad news for me.

Because the only thing worse than hating your boss is falling in love with him.

MY REVIEW

** I WAS GIVEN THE ARC IN EXCHANGE FOR MY HONEST AND FULL REVIEW **

This Book gave me the feel from the start to finish, and then to find out it is part of a duet!? Made me so happy then broke my heart to wait all at the same time!

This is not my first book I have read by Emily Goodwin and I have yet to be disappointed by a book of hers. The synopsis is a bit misleading because it paints Alex as this cold person, when really you see him and what he is really looking for, it makes him such a great addition to the Book Boyfriend Club. Reading about him and what he does for Harper and her kiddos, his sister and her family, you see that he is merely a product of his upbringing and that makes me him more amazing. (Don’t Worry I wont spoil those, but when you see what I am talking about please let me know.)

Harper is strong determined mom, who is not afraid to accept help when it is offered to her. But at the same time will not take advantage of the kindness to those around her. I love her as strong leading lady, a great role model to her mother. I love how she was developed and is portrayed as human rather than this super human trying to do it all. I mean I am married mom of 2, I have help daily and the fact that she was written to be human and have breakdown, bad days and just dont give a shit days is amazing and great. More reason why I love Emily’s writing style because she write real, but in a way you can still fantasize…. If that makes any sense at all.

I am IN LOVE with the dynamic being developed between Harper and Alex, what I am not in love with is the way this one ended!

CLIFFHANGERS!

I love them because they make you want more and try and think of where this is going to go from here, but I hate them because not you have to wait for more…

I Do Highly Recommend this Book to anyone who loves a fluffy sweet, Office, Single Parent, Enemies to Friends To Lovers Kind of Romance.

-Ashton <3

PARENTING: How I really am Dealing with ADHD…

PARENTING: How I really am Dealing with ADHD…

I can tell you right now, I am not dealing with it as well as I could be, it’s still a fairly new diagnosis as well so there is still a lot of work to be done on my end. Spud is also on the 2 year waiting list to get the government diagnosis, it doesn’t matter that his pediatrician, who also has a masters and doctorate in children’s psychology and behaviour, our family Doctor as well as our social worker all have talked with his preschool and his early education teachers, TAs, psychologist, Speech therapist and Occupational Therapist. They all came to the same conclusion, but I do not qualify for any help financially, or is our doctor allowed to prescribe anything, sports or medication, anything we need that piece of paper.

I don’t want to medicate my child, but I want something that will help him as well as us. He lashes out if his routine is messed, and during the summer is more unstable, he makes you feel like you are out to get him sometimes. There has been more than on occasion that the police have shown up at my door because a concerned neighbour has called them. Why? Because when I tell the small little child that I am mommy and when he is mean to me, or sissy or daddy we will have time outs and we will lose our tablet and our toys for a while… What does my small evil spawn do you may ask?

Well he opens his window and yells for help and then he hits himself several times with his own had tr starts to head butt the walls. We have no real help as of yet because we we are missing the ‘government’ diagnosis. So we are trying to fid our own resources, scouring the net and all that wonderful help. and they all say you will have to pay out of pocket larger chunks of money than we can manage at this point in time.

I have been talking to as many government sources and place as I can but because we don’t fall under low income, just lower middle class, we don’t qualify for anything because we are lacking that paper. How are people suppose to live and survive like this, its not fair to my son, its not fair to my daughter who loses out on a lot because we need to punish him in time outs, where he yells and she can’t watch TV, if we can’t go to the park, she can’t go to the park, when he is on time outs in his room, well that is her room too, so she loses there as well. So right now, I am not handling ADHD well at all, I try and follow these guidelines but the second he goes elsewhere for a few hours, less the sitter we are on the same page, he is back to normal and all those weeks of hard work are lost and we have to try again, which means I don’t get a break, because when I get one, I spend it all panicking about what kind of kid I will be getting back. I am upset when he goes to the sitters because I know she can handle it because she is a rockstar and a saint, but he is bad for her and she loses on taking the kids away anywhere. Not just mine, but her little as well, I can’t do sports because I work to late, and the ones that are later or on weekends are full or cost more than we can afford, but we don’t qualify for any help. And sports would be the best thing for him, burn off all that energy, but its all a tables web that I still don’t know how to navigate.

How are you handling ADHD??

-Ashton <3